Talk about ableism. Have you experienced discrimination? Have you been the target of hate speech or slurs? Have you been a victim of abuse or violence? What’s the rudest thing someone has said to you about autism or you being autistic?
I don’t have an awful lot to say about this, and that’s mainly because I’m very cagey about being autistic in the wider world. Certainly I’ve had my share of people finding me weird, or being uncomfortable around me, or outright telling me I’m creepy, without them having any apparent awareness that there could be a ‘reason’ for that. I’ve deliberately avoided disclosing in some places because of fear of how people will react, though. For instance, in my most recent workplace I didn’t say anything when I applied because I was worried they would refuse to even consider me. I still haven’t, even though them knowing (if they actually had a decent understanding) could make things considerably easier for me, because I know they would talk about me behind my back, and might treat me differently. I think people see ‘different’ and ‘Officially Different’ as very… different things, and of course it can go both ways. Sometimes people think you’re being rude or struggling with something (for instance) on purpose, or because you’re not trying hard enough, and they might be more understanding if they know there’s a reason (my parents are one example of this – they’re not perfect now, but it took me being diagnosed with various things to make them see I wasn’t just making life difficult for the fun of it). On the other hand, I think people knowing that something about you is attributable to A Thing, they become almost… scared of you, or it? I do sometimes encounter people knowing some of my diagnoses who seem embarrassed to bring up things that they might have no problem talking about ordinarily – or worse, they suddenly act as though everything is Your Fault, and they can’t possibly be to blame for anything that happens, ever (this didn’t happen in relation to autism, but my ex often seemed to use my mental health diagnoses against me/ to worm out of taking responsibility for things, and I’m quite sure the same would have happened had they understood me as autistic).
On the whole, I’m reasonably lucky to be able to get by with people thinking I’m just weird, rather than Diagnosably Weird (I’ve used a lot of emphasis-by-capitals in this post, but it seems to serve a purpose). It does come with its own problems, of course, but as I very much keep myself to myself anyway, it means I almost never get confronted or directly antagonised. I think the worst things that have happened have been things like one of my teachers calling me unemployable, someone my mum used to work with calling me retarded, university tutors questioning whether I’m capable of completing the course. With the exception of that last example, which got to me in a pretty big way and still troubles me, these things don’t affect me day-to-day at all, and in almost all cases are down to other people’s ignorance and lack of willingness to understand, rather than any personal failing of mine. I don’t know if I would be so lucky if I was more generally open about things, but as I don’t imagine I’ll be able to get much further in things like jobs without disclosing at some level, I suppose I’ll find out in due course.
You can't control me, I'm a defector 